SELF-LOVE MATURITY

Self-love’s maturity is an exercise of expressive clarity. it is learning to speak to a topic without burying it in an objection. 

It says I can talk to a point or feel a specific way, & give it the full attention it deserves.

It says I can share & listen without simultaneously defending or seeing differences as an argument.

It says when I respect the topic & the dissimilarity together, it’s made evident when I don’t have to be defensive while stating my perspective. 

Clarity, without debate, says I am clear about my position & I Am aware that multiple things can be true at once.

It says I am aware that my assessment today can change as swiftly or as loosely as it needs to. I am capable of trusting who I am in a moment without having to cling to rightness about it now or ever. And, if I come to face criticism for my truths, it allows me to calmly accept that is my karma & I am ready to receive the lesson within it without getting stuck or defining myself holistically by it… even if or when there is criticism. 

Multiplicity allows us to be confident & impassioned in truth, but also receptive & flexible. 

It welcomes us to presently be where we are & confident about what we believe. It enables us to relax & release tension or anxiety we have about potential objections or rejections. It accepts dissimilarity while permitting us to be cool with confidence. It lets us not hold onto mistakes, not preemptively mold Self to fear debate, not feel anxious about nuance, & not subscribe to a mentality that creates adversity in differences. It recognizes humans are different, we evolve, & allows us to be OK with it.

varying perspectives or rejection of your resonance isn’t confirmation of wrongness or a reason to change.

Another disliking perspectives & reactions or lack thereof are not a problem. It’s their karma. None of us is required to defend nor disparage Self for who we are or what we have available from moment to moment. Any more than we are obligated to feel the need to bury sentiments by defending them while trying to share them.

A thing in & of itself is beautiful & valid when we allow it its dignity.

Consideration for this involves self-security & respect for humanity without pretense. It requires acknowledgment of & softening into acceptance of our own hypocrisies & inconsistencies. It means appreciating something for what it is, not what we think it should be or that we know better than it.

When we don’t respect identity, we are also disputing its validity for Self. If access to acceptance & love means a need to be consistent, or absolutely correct in experiences, delivery, or memory, then we are expecting each other to be more God, than human. And, quite frankly, being a God is definitely not something I AM nor have any interest in trying to perfect into or project onto Being.

Ghandi is quoted as saying,

“I’m a human, God knows absolute truth. I am a human – I only know relative truth. My understanding of the truth changes from day to day. My commitment is to truth – not consistency, I’m sorry.”

 

Commitment to truth over consistency is a radical way of being; it is not isolating & unreasonable, nor do their distinctions demand correction or apology.

I can hold love for those who don’t understand that my perspectives are welcome to be whole with juxtaposition, continually fluid, & not absolute. I can because I used to also operate in the rigidity of right or wrong, 1-dimensional definitions, & black or white thinking. For this reason, I do respect that there are people who won’t like or appreciate my complexity because it is their right & their karma.

Being able to give a thing its dignity is my karma because it includes evolution. It regards the ‘golden rule’ attitude I have for reciprocity which knows I seek the same; to be received & active in spaces that celebrate humanity without pretense. I consciously consider humans, life & understanding will change, so I don’t need to nor want to spend energy entertaining rigid definitions about me, let alone exert rigidity over someone else in trying to define their humanity or wholeness by who they were or are in 1 moment, feeling, or thought.

allow grace for humans to be complex, morphologic, & have depth while remembering ‘humans’ includes you.

This ⬆️ is the reason mature self-love cultivates supple sincerity or room for flexibility.

It allows relative truths -at a point in time- without disagreement needing to be an argument, a problem, a reason for ridicule, or shame.

It welcomes the reception of clarity to process 1st through curiosity & empathy.

It permits difference to educate, to encourage critical thought, to become a celebration of nuance, to hear love in harsh truths, & to create opportunities for expansion via contrasting personal perspectives & philosophies about life.

Self-love’s maturity fosters fullness to appreciate humanity in its dynamic equilibrium & respects its integrity to mature as it will.

We’re not better or more loved because we agree. We’re not unkind or malicious when we don’t. We’re more alive when we become available to be loved as we are & learn how to extend its grace to Others.

This is self-love’s maturity.

When learning to embody self-love, we become sovereign & capable of admiring its mutuality. We are capable of practicing the capacity to feel its potency, value its authority, & exercise its expression in sincerity with others. We find the audacity to exist from love, grow & operate from it. And, when we mature in love, it's because we’ve learned to harness its safety to no longer worry about defending its personal presence or perspective against dissimilarity, arguments, or external disapproval. We learn to live in its autonomy, to become love’s liberty, but not only for Self, for ALL.

If this whole concept feels foreign to you, know that it was to me too!

I had to search my heart & Soul to understand the riddle of being OK with being misunderstood while understanding myself. 

I had to discover that the reason the World felt so suffocatingly rigid to me was that, largely, it has been for me. 

I had to observe being someone who doesn’t ‘fit in’ with colonized rules of ‘normalcy’, ‘group thinks’, & socialized definitions, or standardized order, is because I don’t like one size fits all in clothes, medical treatments, or education formats, let alone human dynamics. 

I had to reconcile that all the ways in which I had felt forced to conform & people please, is the result of feeling afraid to be as nuanced & persistently morphologic as I am, & sincerely embrace enjoying the freedom to unapologetically Be it.

I had to accept that I am someone who ‘gets’ that inconsistency allows us to liberate, & learn that I am not & do not have to be upset by labels intended to reroute who I am, like, cavalier, wide-open, distant, strange, or odd, defiant, & disruptive, because I believe they’re valuable at times, & are an accurate description of who I can be, among many other things.

I had to welcome me to free me from external standards while accepting without malice or hypocrisy that they exist. Allowing myself the opportunity to not only Be Me, but as freely as possible, has granted me grace to continue to evolve, change, & take accountability in Being… whether understood, respected, & appreciated or not.

I have not found it is healthy to betray Self for ourselves or Others. 

I have not located deeper clarity by actively repressing truths. 

I have not witnessed generalized rules of order & finite definitions to be better, more clarifying, or safer. 

I have not balanced quicker in Self-awareness or in developed stability by muting or curbing authenticity, nor that in doing so it makes us more agreeable, successful, approachable, or likable. 

I have not received greater or easier prosperity by ignoring the needs of fluctuating behaviors or by indulging in manipulative name-calling as a mode of encouragement. 

I have not liberated faster nor matured further by tearing something down to build another up or in the effort of making something wrong in order to make something else right.

I don’t prefer rigidity. I don’t value smoke & mirrors. I don’t find wellness in pretending we’re something other than we are. 

I like the easy respect in naming ‘what’s so’ & keeping connections agile with honesty. I am someone who enjoys nuance, organization & unpredictability. I am someone who believes we are safe to be who we each uniquely are at every iteration of Being, & I have no problem holding boundaried space for such beliefs even when they are not reciprocated or if there is conflict.

Room for variability & nuance within the maturation of self-love is a pressure release valve that welcomes us to live consciously & in humanity without pretense.

I require a lot of space. I also need close authentic relationships that can support this type of interdependent, flexible, respectful & clear connection. Knowing who I am & what I desire, I create room for external rejection without holding contempt or feeling guilted to change it, because a part of accepting my variable needs, means also accepting it with Others. And, if who I’m being is a front, a performance, or some ‘other’ version of me, then living consciously becomes a constant challenge, due to feeling obligated to live from perspectives that aren’t my own & will not provide clarity about its necessity. 

Said another way, I cannot live consciously when who I am Being is someone other than me.

Also, You cannot live consciously when who you’re being is someone other than You.

Take your time coming to terms with what self-loving maturity is for you.

There’s no rush to being. There’s no rush to maturity. Find your pace. Find the love in your perspectives. Give yourself grace. And, when you’re ready, begin the practice of discerning truths & speaking them.

Start by 1st acknowledging them to Self. Progress to living in their energy by matching it & by speaking them privately but out loud. Then, mature into sharing them with people you trust, in spaces that feel safe, & in ways, language, or gestures that feel like you & honor the truths themselves.

CRITICAL THINKING:

What rigidities keep you from being in love with honest expression?

How does rigidity keep you from being OK with disagreement (without defensiveness)?

Where do you hide & complicate truths by muddying them through defending vs fully allowing?

What support & Self-permission do you need to mature into being cooly confident in your clarity?

What boundaries do you need to secure love’s liberty in you?

Where do you struggle to receive others fully? And is that a reflection of where & on what points you struggle to fully receive yourSelf?

Remember. You are Love. So be good to yourself for fucks sake.💋

With Blessings,