DO WHEN READY. NOT BEFORE.

5 months ago I received a thoughtful gift.
(see jacket photo above)

This exchange of energy was so thoughtful & non-transactional, without expectation attached, that I almost didn’t know how to respond to it.

I didn’t immediately know how to express my sincere gratitude for something so deeply personal, that was so obviously, specifically geared to me. Something that showed another generously took time out of life, to invest precious energy, time, focus, & money into me. Because I didn’t readily have a response, what I did was receive the present at the moment with genuine thanks, but waited until I felt poised to honor it fully & with a whole, focused well-meaning capacity. 

For months, I sat with just how touched I was to be a recipient of such thoughtfulness. Taking in the honor to be thought of with sincerity. Especially, when life is so full for everyone as it is. Waiting, gestating, incubating in the fullness of feeling the love expressed in such a selfless gesture, for the proper time to devote my precious energy to gift in return genuine gratitude.

Last week I was ready to make a return deposit of love. It wasn’t without its challenges though. A negative inner talk telling me it, I, my expression of thanks, was too late.

I decided to push through all inner dialogue judging the tardiness of my gratitude & sat in a full presence with my heart to write a handwritten THANK YOU to the gift giver. Thoughts of confusion about the lateness of the note, & worry that there’d be anger about the delay in the acknowledgments, as I said, tried to intervene. Instead, I chose to honor the integrity of my pace to express truth, trusting that if nothing else, the least I could offer was authenticity.

The truth is it takes me time -sometimes- to process feelings of sincere loving thanks. It is what it is till it ain’t. But I used to judge my process so harshly that often, self-ridicule would prevent me from taking any action at all.

This time, I decided not to do that for various personal development reasons.

I was OVER stuttered steps.
* It was/is time to stop ignoring self-truth.
I was OVER questioning myself.
* It was/is time to do according to ‘you’, me.
I was OVER doubting my well-intent & integrity of action.
* It was/is time to take intentional action that I was willing to be 100% responsible for.
I was OVER shaming my capacity & processing practices.
* It was/is time to let me Be & as a result, let others know the real me, to have outcomes reveal relationships of integrity.
I was OVER being someone who doesn’t trust their individuated personality.
* It was/is time to walk my talk & live audaciously convicted in authenticity.

By honoring myself, I felt more genuine. More deeply touched by community, expressions of appreciation, & gratitude for life & thoughtfulness in general. More stable & confident in my love & how it is shared with others. And, in a delightful return, the recipient shared that they were speechless by my thanks. They felt honored & genuinely appreciated.

Needless to say, by choosing to be with my heart, the worry about NOT rushing & how it would be negatively received if I didn’t, revealed that the pressure, danger & urgency I felt at not hurrying, was all in my head. Relifer. Validation. Visibility.

Give love the way you do, how you do, when it feels best to & let it give back to you.

What’s the rush? What’s the friggin’ hurry? 

Have you ever had someone show you love, or that they were thinking about you, & your first response was that it was too late? That the effort being exercised in your direction was somehow less important or of a lesser intent because of the timeframe in which you received it? 

Have you ever been shown sincerity, & because you didn’t immediately know how to respond to it, you chose to do nothing? You let the truth of your gratitude slip by, shaming the pace of personal processing, along with devaluing your heart & its capacity, because you anticipate a negative reception to your timelines.

Stop rushing yourself to make decisions before you’re ready. 

Self-trust is the key to authenticity. When we operate outside of authenticity, we can adopt incongruent behaviors. These misaligned actions can compromise our safety & cause a freeze response that can be ingested as self-doubt.

Freezing in refusal to perform at all vs inauthentically is actually integrity. Freezing isn’t a reason to mistrust self. It’s an automatic nervous system (ANS) response due to a felt threat to safety. Freezing is a reason to learn what you don’t trust & how that informs where there is an opportunity to trust Self & self-awareness.

Discover what it means to value yourself as realizing love’s potency. Incubate yourself in that understanding. Commit to firmly trust what bolsters who you are, what you give & how you need to receive.

Learn to value the expression of love & what it means to safely trust yourself in it by going at your own pace with what you face. Invest personal energy in choosing to become intentionally clear about how safety feels in your body with the choice to express it over denying it. See the investment value in developing clarity. Acknowledge it, & the precious life energy devoted to understanding it AND sharing it, as an act of love in itself. Because the truth is you -& everyone else- don’t have to do anything.

The truth is you could just not give a shit.

Love is effort.
Integration is effort.
Contemplation is effort.
Sharing is effort.
Being is an effort.

Effort is an expenditure of life force energy.
And since life comes with a limited amount of energy, expending it is expensive, valuable shit.

Energy deserves to be valued in its receipt & its expression.

Allow yourself to take time to be thoughtful & in congruence with actions. Honor the pace of what you face. Recognize the time-bound assessment that you place on the value of expressing your energy & love, is self-inflicted & self-ordained. 

Sure. Your behavior(s) can be a matter of circumstance or education. Meaning, that you learned somewhere along the way that expediency or urgency was a true & most genuine reflection of appreciation, respect, or love. However, what about you? 

What about how you are & function in sincerity? 

What about love’s depth & bandwidth according to you?

What about exercising energy in a way that feels authentic & without airs, or force? 

Respect for the exertion of effort reflects how you command respect for your energy.

Ever heard, “Everywhere you are, there you are.” Well, think of energy like that. How you experience it is how you digest it. If you spend enough time taking shit, it’s what you’re going to accept, think is normal, & be what you have to give.

Everywhere you expend effort that is NOT fulfilling & NOT authentic, spends energy. If it’s purposeful & fulfilling, then it is. But, if it’s not, it robs you of the ability to feel fully sourced & fully experience presence in engagements that are fulfilling.

Every moment you hold space with what depletes your energy is a moment you could be investing effort with what sources you.

If your behavior was incubated & motivated by love, how would you move if every action felt meaningful to fulfill over making moves to fulfill an expectation? 

Do what feels right, when you have it. Not before.

Don’t NOT do what feels right simply because it takes time.
Honoring capacity also honors integrity.
Energy. Love. Authenticity. Sincerity. Truth. Bonds. Yours & others. 

Give your way a chance. 

Give people a chance to surprise you. 

Give honoring the authentic way you need to live the chance to be fulfilling. 

Give love the way you do & let the value found in trusting you give back to you. 

Where are you incubated in love the way you need & not? 

Where have you felt most incubated in love, as an example of not only how you love, but the nourishing love you specifically need in life? 

How do you feel incubated in love just by being yourself?

What boundaries does an incubated love reveal you need to secure stability, romance, safety, ease, growth & peace? 

What does an incubated love give you that honors the integrity of what you intend to receive & contribute? 

How are you bolstered by living firm in an incubated love? 

Be good to yourself for fucks sake. 💋

With Blessings,