Processing Grief is Unique: Solitude Can Bring Immense Solace in Healing

Every day, try to find gratitude in small graces. 

Every day, try to find love for specifics about you. 

Every day, try to find more truth in living. 

Every day, try to find harmony in humanity.  

Every day, dare yourself to find your truths.

Every day, be fully present (which includes intentionally not present), fully grateful (which includes intentionally allowing tantrums), fully focused (which includes intentionally checking out), and fully you (which includes the mystery). 

It’s healthy to focus on positives but also to notice when we need a break, silence, or separation. 

Not all healing & progress happens on time or in groups; a lot comes in solitude, introspection, and during an intentional shutdown. 

For the last few years, I’ve been exposed to the encouragement that suggested forward progress only happens when we push beyond our stopping points. I’ve watched it perpetuate, never fully agreeing & keeping the peace about how much it doesn’t holistically work—until now. 

What I’ve noticed in grieving my Father is that being alone to hear my heart, process thoughts, & feel into my body energy is not only cathartic for me. It’s extremely necessary, safe, & what I need. 

Solitude has been healing. 

When it comes to progress, it’s important to remember that, just like us humans, it’s not one size fits all. Hell, it’s not even one size fits most. It’s "actually we’re gonna need ALL the sizes because you just never know what you need until you get there". 

Human ‘being’ is like Gloria Steinem said: “If the shoe doesn’t fit, must we change the foot?” 

It’s an endless buffet of options. It’s beautiful that way & why I think it’s important to remember that when it comes to how we “human”, hardly ever is it find one solution that works & call it healthy. Call it the way. Call it the rule or the norm. 

When struggle, grief, trauma, or hardship calls, it’s crucial we don’t forget that each person comes with their own anthology. They come with a whole life, no matter how long or short, that impacts the need of their needs. And, subscribing to “this is the way” or what is best, is like trying to make a meal without any ingredients. It doesn’t work unless you know what you’ve got & how it can be worked with. 

When it comes to living, it’s not paint by numbers. There’s no certainty to it. There’s no guaranteed prescription. 

There’s only what you need. There’s only what works for you. There’s only what you can discern, day by day, as the next thing reveals as the best step for you. 

Sometimes, even with the best of intentions, what feels right can turn out undesirable or in need of retooling. Not even therapists or doctors have it all figured out or have all the answers. Let us notice opportunities to unhook from hard-definitions, oppressing expectation and standards.

We’re inconsistent beings at best. We're all just doing our best & I’m learning that’s why, even under the best advisement, through the greatest of love, or the most impressive amount of experience, it’s still prudent to hear the internal voice which will guide you to the safest, healthiest truth for you. 

The best we can do is learn the sound of what is hearing our truth. We can learn to hear what it means. We can understand how to love it about us, & in doing so, make the best choices day by day, moment by moment, intricacy by intricacy, to healthily, wholly, every day, try to find ways to best honor & support us. 

There is no decision that cannot be revisited with the intent to receive it differently. All that is required is the spirit, energy & love to allow. What is done can never be undone, but through alchemy, will, & intention, relationships can be reformed & transformed. 

What if not all things can be resolved or worked out? What if not everything is easy or safe? What if sometimes things just are difficult, won’t work out, are dangerous, & hard? What then? 

What if who you are isn’t meant to deny that shit doesn’t work out sometimes; that we do fail; that we will be let down? What if the only way to keep on is to understand & establish a relationship to the importance of identifying the dignity in all of it, in truth, in joy & in our struggle?

With Blessings,