perfectionism is resisting your greatness.
I previously shared with you via my Instagram stories in late November/early December 2023 that I had enrolled in a business group with Janne Robinson.
I have been a long follower of Janne. For me, being in her energy is akin to meeting Oprah.
I also shared with you that my enrollment in the group was professionally based on all of the personal changes I have made since 2019, & how that has greatly changed my services & what I do now.
Essentially, I have large goals for 2024 & proactively, I knew I was going to need support to accomplish them.
Knowing what we need when we need it isn’t self-doubt or discounting our abilities.
It’s accountable. It’s direct. It’s humble. It’s human.
It’s self-awareness, coupled with an empowered discernment, to ask for help with the willingness & courage to be supported in receiving it. It’s also an aspect of right-relationship.
Right-relationship reminds us that we live in a community. We do not have to do things alone. And, often, in many aspects of life, we don’t & can’t.
It’s admitting to ourselves that if we cannot effectively change a tire, we can go to an autobody shop for help. If we don’t know how to care for our eczema, anxiety, or asthma on our own, we can get to a doctor to support us. Recognizing that we need auto-support, medical support, grocery support, personal trainer support, etc. is no different than the personal choice to receive mental, & emotional support when we need it.
This past week, while in the group container, I found myself under the spotlight & incredibly anxious about it.
Sharing that I have 2 programs outlined, created, & nearly completed, but not released.
1 community concept fully developed & just waiting to be launched to accept participants.
And, a brand new podcast concept was vetted but not launched live.
Revealing that I wasn’t excited about what I had available & didn’t know why, was agitating the hell out of me & leaving me irritated, befuddled, & slightly ashamed in the process. I willingly opened up to the group & Janne about my conundrums, I understood that. I wanted to be held accountable & get to the bottom of what was causing my stutters, I knew that. What I didn’t understand or know was revealed to me by talking through it.
I was mothering too hard. Doubting too much. And letting perfectionism hold me back.
Talking through my blocks, helped me see myself clearer & that the reason I was agitated was because I was in my way. It also helped me see the preemptive shame I have around not being well-perceived & that this next level of growth needed new boundaries to go with it. In that moment, the choice I made several months ago to join a business group to become bolstered with support to accomplish my large 2024 personal & professional goals was wise.
I was there for me then in choosing to trust perceiving I would need support.
I could be there for me now in accepting my aptitude, well-intent, & capability.
I can believe that I will again be there for myself when I need to fortify my ability, but I’ll have to drop the perfectionism, 1st.
Perfectionism gets in the way of our potential. It’s stifles it. Snuffs it out like water on a fire. And our inner fire is what propels us forward giving us the faith we need to assess, persevere, trust, give & receive.
if/when our fire goes out, guess what goes with it? heart. DISCERNMENT. CONVICTION. PURPOSE. AUTHENTICITY. EXECUTION.
Sometimes when we face our human side, like discovering we’re getting in our way with perfectionism, it can cause us to retreat; recoil; and hide. It can cause us to repeat learned behaviors that threaten neglect or abandonment if not perceived as perfect. It can motivate us to engorge doubt, procrastinate, self-sabotage, give up, & acquiesce in shame. But it’s in these very things, like honest truths & self-reckonings, that makes us great.
Trusting ourselves makes us great.
We’re not great because we’ve never had doubts, had a problem, or made a mistake.
We’re GREAT because we’re surviving WITH doubt, problems & sometimes making huge fucking mistakes.
We’re not great because we’ve always had or have everything figured out or do everything ‘right’.
We’re GREAT because we’re alright at figuring things out despite not having everything.
We’re not great because we’re perfect.
We’re GREAT because we’re NOT fucking perfect.
What even is perfect besides a subjective assessment?
Uneven Assessment of what a subject is, besides perfect.
Said another way, an Unfair assessment of what about a subject is imperfect.
Courage makes us great.
Resilience, much like our greatness, comes from courage. It comes from facing stress, fear, anger, grief, denial, doubt, regret, etc. (remember these?) with a passionate purpose. It comes from knowing that hardship or conflict is not all there is to us.
Greatness is having faith. It is choosing to believe in ourselves & validate our wholeness. It is trusting the inner knowing that encourages us to persevere, to bring us through whatever we face, despite ’negative emotions’ that breed pessimism.
None of us are perfect. But all of us are great.
It’s when we pit our greatness against perfectionism that we convince ourselves we can’t be great, helpful, valid, or valued without being perfect. And, as many of us already know, nothing could be farther from the truth.
Think about how great you believe your Gram, Mom, Dad, BFF, Lover, kid, fur baby, Mac n’ Cheese recipe, etc. to be.
Is Mom or Dad perfect? Have you never been wounded by them?
What about fur baby? Have you never come home to a house torn up because they got in their animal feelings?
Or, how about that Mac n’ Cheese recipe? Have you never made a bad batch, had some that backed you up for days, or even tasted another that was better?
All of these people & things are still great, if for no other reason than you think they are. None of them are perfect. And yet, in their greatness, they are immensely valued by you. They feel pretty damn good. They are pretty damn good. They’re good, wonderful even, appreciated, loved, & valued despite not being 100%, unfailingly, without a doubt, perfect.
Where perfectionism gets us, blocks us, or stops us, is when we don’t have a clear idea about what we want or intend.
When we don’t value our perspective or our greatness, we don’t perceive its value.
When we don’t perceive value, we don’t believe in it or find utility for it.
When we don’t find utility for something, we can find it useless or hope-less.
When we don’t have an idea of these things, we can lose sight of the aspects of our circumstances that are un-disciplined or outside of our control.
The World, just like life, is not a perfect science. It is something, none of us, can control. Thus, for us all, so are the circumstances within it.
Disregarding that I have zero control over what the World does or the people in it do, keeps me in a scared holding pattern. Pessimism about sharing what I have to offer & remaining oblivious to it keeps my potential -let alone greatness- locked away. Fear, pessimism, & rigidity then, can occur when we don’t give what we intend to achieve, a full review of what our goals are along with what we CAN & CANNOT control.
I can control my efforts. I can’t control how others perceive its value.
I can control what, when, & how I share. I can’t control whether or not others will care.
I can control my intent of distribution. I can’t control if others will feel what I intend or align with it.
I can control how I behave. I cannot control other’s experiences or accompanying behavior.
The truth is, sometimes we’ll be great & others we won’t. Sometimes others will agree. Other times they won’t.
The sticky of this is learning how to respect ourselves in all circumstances, & to above all else find convicted trust in ourselves, despite moments that are a winner AND a loser. It’s a matter of seeking wholeness & valor within the both/and of, ‘well that didn’t work out how I’d like, but I learned a lot. Better yet, a lot about me, this, that, etc.’ It’s learning how to appreciate effort despite finding its value. It’s learning to treasure the authenticity or truth of experience despite a lack of agreement.
Perfectionism causes us to resist our greatness when we:
overlook the permission it gives us to be creative & interesting.
Greatness is giving Self permission to be creative, & interesting.
reject the relief behind accepting it is arbitrary, with the benefit of relaxing that we will never have to be perfect.
Greatness is the relief behind relaxing into accepting the benefits of our Essence & authenticity.
refuse to celebrate the abundance of space it gives us to fuck around & find out.
Greatness is fucking around, finding abundance & space to celebrate it.
deny how it nurtures our inner explorer to discover, learn, change, inspire, or teach & expand.
Greatness is learning to inspire inner discovery & teach how expansive & nurturing it is to explore.
Life will never be perfect. To get out of our way, & stop self-sabotaging our efforts, we need to accept this. We need to understand, as Janne Robinson said to me recently, “What gets us incentivized is understanding our goal.” Yet, while life will never be perfect, it can be & often is, pretty fucking great.
Accepting imperfections that come with reality & being human is our true circumstance. It is the game of life we all play. It is the obstacle of doubt or trauma we each have to lovingly notice to admit to overcome.
Perfectionism is a true blockage to our greatness.
Great love.
Great connections.
Great relationships.
Great success.
Great confidence & conviction.
Knowing not everything will go our way all of the time is what we need to practice remembering. Progress is understanding progress still happens without perfection.
Sometimes what CREATES progress is the opposite of perfection & is often also known as INTERESTING, CREATIVE, ORIGINAL, INSPIRING, DELICIOUS, life-changing & ART.
We don’t need everything to go our way to continue to know that despite imperfections, life, people, love & our preferences each being different, are artful contributions that have the potential to be really fucking great.
What goals or changes have you had on hold without understanding why?
How might accepting the fun, art of imperfection empower you?
Where are you letting the fear of perfection self-sabotage experiencing your potential, your joy, your creativity, and your greatness?
Be good to yourself for fucks sake. 💋
With Blessings,
